I got up this morning with all these great intentions in my head for getting stuff done. Somewhere around 9:17, a thick bank of grey clouds rolled into my head and made it impossible. To do pretty much anything.
This has been a rough week. I feel like hell. Luckily I have very obvious hormonal reasons that I can blame for most of my issues, but I sure wish they would go away. I don't like wasting time feeling crappy and acting crappy.
The hardest part is not being able to get my brain to function. I really honestly can't force my brain to stay focused long enough to get though a sentence. For example, it took me a moment to figure out how to spell GET in the last sentence. Ridiculous. I am taking all of my vitamins, and I even made an extra large batch of extra potent beet-apple-pear-carrot-kale-ginger-lemon-cucumber juice for lunch. Give me another 48 hours and I will be fine? I hope. So does Josh.
What I should probably do is go for a walk in the sunshine. But just walking to the kitchen feels like a Major Life Event right now. How stupid. I hate being a girl. Maybe if I put my sweatpants back on I would feel better. Especially if wearing sweatpants was closely followed by a nap.
I decided to get started on a Real Blogsite today. One that I make myself. But I got lost halfway through and EXTREMELY frustrated. So that is shelved until later. Or tomorrow. Not sure what to do with myself today. Maybe I will stagger out into the sunny yard and fall asleep. Then I will have guilt for all the Things I need to do. Even though I can't remember any of them.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
inching ahead
I know I am way behind. There is so much to catch up on. I guess the cool thing is that nothing vitally important happened. Except that I quit my job (yay!) and I got married (again {YAY!}) and we moved. (YAYYY!!!) and stuff.
First lets get the boring stuff out of the way: I am doing well. I am emotionally stable. Almost too stable. Which means that I am stable enough that Josh thinks he can get away with all kinds of nothandlingmewithkidgloves type behavior and I am not much into that. So every once in awhile I have to pretend to be emotionally fragile just to keep him in check. Just kidding. I don't really do that. I think.
Physically I have tons of energy, I generally feel good, and I am FINALLY starting to lose weight. Trying not to get too excited, but with a little more exercise (I have decide to like riding bikes) and switching out a meal a day for fresh vegetable/fruit juice, I am starting to see some consistent dropping. Not as fast as I would like, but hey, at this point, I will take whatever I can get.
The weird undiagnosed pain in my lower left abdomen is still there. After a few more doctors visits that included a colonoscopy (thank you never again), we are concluding that it is some sort of a muscle tear in a deep abdominal muscle. It sort of makes sense, since rest helps it, abstaining from ALL activity, etc, but I still don't get why it goes extra crazy around thattimeofthemonth, and also thatothertimeofthemonth. It's weird. But I am tired of looking. Although I did just find out that I have insurance for another 6 months or so, and I am thinking a hysterectomy would be a wise choice. At least then I would have one less thattimeofthemonth to worry about.
while not having the emotional upheaval to worry about (seriously, I don't even recognize who I was a few months ago) is a massive relief, I have still been determined to get to the root of some of my health issues. I heard about a juice fast/cleanse/diet from a friend and the amazing results. Josh and I watched a documentary called Fat, Tired and Nearly Dead and it was interesting. We started slowly working fresh juice into our diet and eliminating some of the chronic junk. I am noticing that all the deep fried stuff is really (and literally?) killing me. My stomach doesn't like it. I also am still having a rough time with fruit, but really trying to weigh out if the consequences are worth the benefits.... the jury is still out on that one.
Whatever it is that I am doing right now seems to be working. I have had several people in the last few days comment on how "healthy" I look. partially I suppose because my sunburn has evolved to tan, and I'd like to give credit to the blonde highlights I got before the "wedding".
Oh! Wedding/party/reception thingy. Yes, It was fun. Mostly. Josh was a little uncooperative, I think mostly because he didn't like the idea of our (somewhat troubled in his mind still) relationship being in the spotlight. He was all about a party, sort of. Except the part about buying food and stuff. It really was great to have all of my family in one place and we had an awesome time. I don't like to look at any of the pictures with me in them because I remember feeling so much less FAT when I was there. But oh well. It will give me something to look back on and go WOW, right?
I quit my regular job at the forest service. Mostly because I realized that I can make more in two weeks on a fire than I can working two months at my regular wage INCLUDING fire time as an employee, so I am going back to my status as an emergency hire for the FS. Love it. I love love love not having to get up in the morning, or be anywhere, or clean toilets (even though I have been doing it as a volunteer since I quit) (what? I had guilt for leaving them in the lurch?) or do anything I don't sign up for. It's great. I need to see about getting a job of some sort this fall, but for now, I am waiting on fires (just got a call to go to Oakridge...) and loving summer.
Also - we moved into a bigger place that has a yard like a park. I love it. In fact, some days, I don't want to go anywhere. Except then it gets really hot and so I don't mind getting out. Josh did pretty much all of the moving (which I also loved) while I was gone - and now I owe him forever.
Anyway, more later, gotta go pack for a fire!
First lets get the boring stuff out of the way: I am doing well. I am emotionally stable. Almost too stable. Which means that I am stable enough that Josh thinks he can get away with all kinds of nothandlingmewithkidgloves type behavior and I am not much into that. So every once in awhile I have to pretend to be emotionally fragile just to keep him in check. Just kidding. I don't really do that. I think.
Physically I have tons of energy, I generally feel good, and I am FINALLY starting to lose weight. Trying not to get too excited, but with a little more exercise (I have decide to like riding bikes) and switching out a meal a day for fresh vegetable/fruit juice, I am starting to see some consistent dropping. Not as fast as I would like, but hey, at this point, I will take whatever I can get.
The weird undiagnosed pain in my lower left abdomen is still there. After a few more doctors visits that included a colonoscopy (thank you never again), we are concluding that it is some sort of a muscle tear in a deep abdominal muscle. It sort of makes sense, since rest helps it, abstaining from ALL activity, etc, but I still don't get why it goes extra crazy around thattimeofthemonth, and also thatothertimeofthemonth. It's weird. But I am tired of looking. Although I did just find out that I have insurance for another 6 months or so, and I am thinking a hysterectomy would be a wise choice. At least then I would have one less thattimeofthemonth to worry about.
while not having the emotional upheaval to worry about (seriously, I don't even recognize who I was a few months ago) is a massive relief, I have still been determined to get to the root of some of my health issues. I heard about a juice fast/cleanse/diet from a friend and the amazing results. Josh and I watched a documentary called Fat, Tired and Nearly Dead and it was interesting. We started slowly working fresh juice into our diet and eliminating some of the chronic junk. I am noticing that all the deep fried stuff is really (and literally?) killing me. My stomach doesn't like it. I also am still having a rough time with fruit, but really trying to weigh out if the consequences are worth the benefits.... the jury is still out on that one.
Whatever it is that I am doing right now seems to be working. I have had several people in the last few days comment on how "healthy" I look. partially I suppose because my sunburn has evolved to tan, and I'd like to give credit to the blonde highlights I got before the "wedding".
Oh! Wedding/party/reception thingy. Yes, It was fun. Mostly. Josh was a little uncooperative, I think mostly because he didn't like the idea of our (somewhat troubled in his mind still) relationship being in the spotlight. He was all about a party, sort of. Except the part about buying food and stuff. It really was great to have all of my family in one place and we had an awesome time. I don't like to look at any of the pictures with me in them because I remember feeling so much less FAT when I was there. But oh well. It will give me something to look back on and go WOW, right?
I quit my regular job at the forest service. Mostly because I realized that I can make more in two weeks on a fire than I can working two months at my regular wage INCLUDING fire time as an employee, so I am going back to my status as an emergency hire for the FS. Love it. I love love love not having to get up in the morning, or be anywhere, or clean toilets (even though I have been doing it as a volunteer since I quit) (what? I had guilt for leaving them in the lurch?) or do anything I don't sign up for. It's great. I need to see about getting a job of some sort this fall, but for now, I am waiting on fires (just got a call to go to Oakridge...) and loving summer.
Also - we moved into a bigger place that has a yard like a park. I love it. In fact, some days, I don't want to go anywhere. Except then it gets really hot and so I don't mind getting out. Josh did pretty much all of the moving (which I also loved) while I was gone - and now I owe him forever.
Anyway, more later, gotta go pack for a fire!
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