Coming Back To Earth

A month out in the boondocks without running water and flushing toilets was... fun. Not really, but I survived. The money I make is worth it, they tell me, so I counted down every day until I could crawl into bed and succumb to trazadone and 16 hour work days. I have to say that I feel lucky. The month wasn't as hard as it could have been. My regular pain was down a few notches, and I don't know if that is because I was doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING all day long, or what. I had run ins with the usual issues, constipation, which I get at bay with a steady supply of dried fruit, and a world class menstrual cycle which always highlights the lack of modern plumbing in giant neon flashes in my mind. But overall, my "normal" pain was not as bad as usual. For most of the 30 days I was gone. I consider this a mercy. Of course it could be because I came down with a pretty gnarly head cold and my uterus symptoms always seem to cut me some slack when my immune system is waging war elsewhere. Maybe it's just in my head, but maybe there is some hormonal/endocrine shut off when my healing resources are temporarily diverted? It's a nice thought anyway. And my cold is almost gone but my uterus has reawakened and is trying to make up for lost time.

I am so excited to get a hysterectomy. Still waiting to hear from the state about our insurance, but I am not holding my breath - which puts us back out to January for just the initial exam, and probably March for surgery. It's a long way away. I am tired of waiting, but at this point, it's hard to imagine life without daily pain, so a few more months will just make the change that much sweeter, right? Reading all of the questions from other women with adenomyosis on the support pages has been SO refreshing for me. It's given me so much hope to hear about women who are actually pain free after their hysterectomies. Even women with a lot of my same, weird symptoms. I feel less alone, and less like a drug seeking drama queen. I am very thankful for this quirky and unfortunate online community that I have found. My plan for the next few weeks, if I don't get insurance in place, is to seek out some acupuncture, if for no other reason that to get certain adamant friends off of my back (you know who you are!), and say that I at least tried. I won't pretend I am not leery, but I am desperate enough to try anything.

I am tired of being broken. It's just not cool anymore. I am ready to be young and feel good again.