I Went Away

For awhile. I thought if I ignored it, didn't give it any energy, any attention, the pain and sickness would go away. It didn't. It hasn't. I have come full circle after 8 years of coping, and two years of the intense pursuit of a way for me to heal myself, to giving in to the old monster of adenomyosis and waiting, impatiently, for a hysterectomy. A surgery that will radically transform my existence back into a LIFE. That costs thirty thousand dollars. I am waiting. And hoping, with my breath held and my eyes closed, that this will be the cure. That my pain will subside and my body will once again be something that I am in control of, and not something controlling me. I am hopeful.